you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
