I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
