Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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