my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
