so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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