why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
