I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
