all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
