we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
