i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
