Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
