i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Randomize
