so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
