i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
