so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
