he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
