Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
