the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
