And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
