jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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