Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
