I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
