It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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