You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
