So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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