did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
