Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
