I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Do vagina's smell?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
