I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I party with great urgency now.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
