when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
there was a trapeze. enough said
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
