i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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