Already got asked if we're dating
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
