hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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