Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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