Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
