I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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