Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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