I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
