Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
