I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
