Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just pynch a tree in the face
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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