I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
