im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
