I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
