Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
