You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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