all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
