Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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