Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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