Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
