I've blown a few things in my day
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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