no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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