It's Friday. Sex?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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